Blog: Death

I wasn’t going to write anything about Justin’s death. It’s not my place, and one can say I don’t have the right. At least, I say I don’t have the right. But it just might be possible that you need to read what I have to say. It might also be possible that I really need to write this, because this is how I mourn.

Over the past few days, I have seen some posts that I have been baffled by. These are posts by people who have had as little interaction with Jew Wario (watching a few of his videos, mostly crossovers) as me, yet were moved to tears and breakdowns over his death. I just didn’t get it. Not the people who were friends with Justin, or had meaningful interaction with him, or where encouraged by him. Those I got. Matt Burkett wrote a beautiful tribute. But it’s the people like me, who are like neighbors who have never met, or people who are not part of the reviewing community, that had me confused.

This isn’t to say that I don’t think the loss of a human life – by suicide or by other cause – is a terrible thing. It’s taken me a long time to get there, but I do understand that part. But emotions, for me, are about things you can do. Anger makes sense to me, because it’s something that you can put to use. Sadness about something going on in your life makes sense to me, because it can motivate you to change things. But grief? When someone close to me dies, I feel sad about it, do a tribute. But I can’t help but see things like a Tralfamadorian. So it goes. That’s the way of life. There’s nothing that can be done about it.

I should point out that this isn’t some sort of bragging. I don’t think this makes me badass. There was a time when I would have been proud of it, but there was also a time when I would have been proud of hurting a friend to prove I was strong enough, so the idiocies of my teen years really don’t apply to anything after that. I don’t think I’m Boba Fett.

No, to quote the latest season of Sherlock, “[do I know anything about] nature? No. Human? No.” I have long since accepted that my brain processes information and emotions different than other people. Like anybody who has such a difference, during my most successful moments I tend to be grateful for these differences and treat them as great strengths, and during my least successful moments I tend to feel they are significant weaknesses. In situations like this, where I am trying to understand and interact with the emotional side of human nature, the latter counts.

Ultimately, though, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if I understand how you feel, and it doesn’t matter if you understand how I feel. If this is how some people react any time anybody around them dies, that’s okay, although I feel like these people are at serious risk down the line with all of the well-publicized mass murders going on. If this is how some people react whenever anybody that they know is nice, or whose art they like, that’s fine too, although in some ways I feel that’s missing the point. And if I’m completely missing the point, that’s fine as well. Because whether you’re a complete stoic who doesn’t have a damned thing to say, or whether the most distant death causes you to break down for the rest of the afternoon, or whether you’re somewhere in between, you’re free to your own methods. I won’t say anything, and neither should somebody else.

Black and White Film Review: Godzilla Raids Again (1955)

In 1954, the decades-old monster film genre was transformed by radiation into a brand new thing: the Japanese daikaiju genre. This was started off by Gojira. Is the original article worthy of the title, or is it just the first in a long line of B-movies made for children?

gojira
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What’s Up With Me?

Aside

I didn’t intend to make this sort of post.  It’s supposedly more likely to scare away new readers than to placate existing ones, and this blog is new enough to have a fairly small audience as it is.

That said, I promised a certain number of posts per day.  I haven’t delivered on this.  I do want you to know that most of these posts are 90% written, if not more, and the ones that aren’t are written in my head.  They are coming, and when I finally have an uninterrupted day in which to package everything into a form that WordPress likes, posts will come at an accelerated rate until I have made up for several days lacking posts.

The reasons for these lack of posts are myriad.  It takes me longer to type than it used to, due to my aging computer.  I’ve had personal issues that have made it difficult for me to string words together, and other personal issues that made it difficult to spend time in front of a computer screen when I could be helping other people.  I’ve started a new job.  I’ve continued to work my full time job.  None of these are great excuses, but the majority of these things are items that I’ve either worked past or gotten to the point where they will no longer have a negative impact on my schedule.

I don’t intend to make this sort of post again.  It’s not good for me, and it’s not fair to you.  I may make further posts going into some of these issues, but only if I feel it’s relevant to what we’re doing here.  In the meantime, we can consider January to be a dry run.  I promise you, February will be the real thing.